Wednesday, June 27, 2012


Thus begins a daily post series for the immediate and forseeable future. Though I generally despise fiction writing on blogs, I have decided that I may subject you all to some of it. Excoriating, defenestrating, exfoliating (yes, that was intentional) remarks concerning my writing are welcome, of course.

I will, however, promise one piece of non-fiction to help make the fiction more palatable. A piece of non-fiction a day keeps the shrink away, as they say, so I shall pave the way for my fiction with a brief musing today.

Today: I gained a testimony of Institute. I have not always attended Institute consistently, but today- late, under-dressed, and hungry - I decided to go. I am very glad I did. I missed more than half of the lesson, but the parts I did hear were exact answers to several very intractable-seeming problems with which I've been grappling over the past few days. Scripture study, temple service, and prayer had not been able to dislodge these issues; forty minutes of Institute did. The Lord moves in mysterious ways, indeed.

And now, for fiction:  (repeat: the following is not true in anything but a literary or metaphorical or symbolic sense. Think of it as a thought experiment, or skip reading it altogether.)

I've decided to start a new diet. I know from experience that avoiding meat leads one to feel lighter, happier, etc. ... so, meat is out. I've decided to follow my friend's advice and change my diet for moral reasons. Animals deserve not to be eaten unnecessarily - it's painful for them, and painful for us.

Anecdotal evidence: several vegetarians I know look young for their age. Several vegetarians I don't know and have never seen claim to look young for their age. Advantage: Being vegetarian, coupled with exercise, may help me look and feel better.

Problem: Exercise is difficult to perform on a vegetarian diet.
Solution: Stop exercising. Wait a minute...

Problem: Exercise is necessary for good health. Protein is necessary for exercise.
Solution: Eat ... scratch that, - choke down non-meat protein.

Problem: Eggs are really gross.
Solution: Barbecue sauce.

Expected result: Short term: Meat withdrawal: stomach ache. General grumpiness. Heightened frustration during mealtimes. Sluggishness.

Mid-term: Gastro-intestinal complications. Reduced food expenditures. Social adaptation leading to positively-altered friendships.

Long term: Lean muscle mass. Heightened mental alacrity (if sufficient fat is ingested). Decreased reaction time. Psuedo hipster-hippy-earth-love status.

Very long term: Nirvana. Possible levitational powers.  

Yeah, this will be good. No problem, really.

1 comment:

  1. definitely pushes the boundaries of what "fiction" usually means