Monday, February 6, 2012

Heartening Realization

If "love is a battlefield," as the 80s song suggests, then I have recently suffered a rather crushing defeat. Off balance, I and my subsequent attempts at romance have been... awkward.

I was feeling down about this; it became the preoccupation of my prayers and the subject of my most recent fast. It has prompted a paradigm shift and a serious review of my character, spirituality and focus.

Against this backdrop, I was watching an "I'm a Mormon" video today, the one for Athelia (fashion designer, business woman, former dancer.) It resonated with me - perhaps because I am also an entrepreneur, and a former singer, and because I harbor a hidden dream of one day designing attire myself.

Her comment, though, about worth struck home: "God sees me as a soul with worth, even when I can't accomplish anything." She was referencing an illness which rendered her unable to do many things, but I find it applies to my situation: no matter how compelling a young lady may be, my value is independent of her opinion.

Moreover, I have value and, despite my current lack of success, am an attractive individual. I am an entrepreneur. I speak two languages, understand a third, and am learning a fourth. I am a writer, a photographer, and a visionary. I am intelligent, well read, and very well-travelled.

I am chaste. I respect people. I do not steal kisses, and I don't usually need to. I have been told many times that I am very romantic, and (irony aside,) one former girlfriend described me as (I quote) "the perfect boyfriend." I have loved intensely, and have been loved just as intensely in return.

Nor am I ugly. I have elicited romantic interest from women of every description and profession: models, dancers, singers, actresses, doctors, engineers, and athletes, from every race and from many nationalities. I have been whistled at by women on multiple occasions (though I admit this may only be a half-compliment), and I have been told that I have beautiful eyes.

In sum, I was reminded of who I am, and of the fact that I like very much the man I have become. I am happy the Lord has led me here. Though I have not been perfect, the Lord has yet made my life beautiful.

And, perhaps best of all, He will continue to do so.

I was reminded that "what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him" (President Uchtdorf, "You Matter to Him," October 2011 General Conference).

I will not be ashamed of who I am or of my (righteous) behavior. I will publish. I will be successful in business, in many businesses. I can admit that I wish to design clothing, and that I will have an art kaleidoscope of my design and production in a museum before I die. I enjoy interior design, and have already designed and built rooms with which I and others are most pleased. I enjoy the aesthetic. I will travel, I will teach, I will learn, I will create. I will make a positive impact on society. I will one day have a family and accomplish all that the Lord would have me do.

And if a woman, or many women, or all women, aren't interested in joining me in those endeavors, so be it. It is their loss at least as much as it is mine. Moreover, someday there will be a woman who finds all of those things incredibly attractive -- who finds ME incredibly attractive -- and about whom I will feel the same way.

Until that day, and after it, I will go forth rejoicing in this wonderful life.
I have embedded the video I found particularly inspiring; another video I enjoyed can be found here. Pictures from the Ice Festival follow below the video.

Rff-wrff; Frwheeee!

I believe this was my vote for the winner, or the cupid and heart above.