New directions

Now that I have, hopefully, cleared the air from my last two blog posts, I think I can sum up the experience in a few words: don't write blog posts in the middle of fever and stomach flu delirium.

That said, I am moving in new directions. The texting service I am putting together for an international market is proceeding apace, and that is a great blessing. Yesterday, I was able to listen to the founder and CEO of EcoScraps. He had some good advice, the best of which was probably this: measure everything. If you do not measure it, you don't know what you are doing.

This is the next phase of my life; I've finally finished my degree, and can now turn my entire attention to more important matters. This is a time for goal setting, diligent work, and intense evaluation. How many people am I going to talk to this week? How many pages of my business plan will I edit? How many chapters of a novel am I going to outline? How many words am I going to write? And, most importantly, how many did I speak to? How many did I outline? How many did I write? And what are the consequences of that?

For the record, my farewell to my Utah friends was not a precursor of death or dismemberment. It was simply the acknowledgement that the Lord has a lot of work for me to do at the moment. He would have me begin my professional career, He would have me strengthen my bonds with family, and He would have me more intensely study His words and live His Gospel. I can do nothing else.

All pictures today come from the grounds of King's College, Cambridge University, on the same magnificent evening.

A New Voyage

Being very ill the past day, and the events immediately preceding my illness, have given me new perspective. I believe I will go on a journey of sorts, and I expect to be gone for some time. I imagine that my friends in Provo won't see very much of me over the course of the next few years.

It's exciting, this journey. I feel I'm currently crossing the Rubicon; once I'm over it, I'll burn the bridge behind me.

Metamorphosis is a change in form and nature; it is to literally and irreversibly become something different. I wonder how often creatures in the animal kingdom choose to change; caterpillars either become butterflies or die. There's still a choice, I guess: just one with permanent consequences either way. So too is it with me. I've been resisting this change for years; now I select it of my own free will and choice. I choose to be a different man than I have been, and that involves going away for awhile.

I'm still very weak, so I will let this entry suffice today. Farewell to my friends here! I love you and will miss you when I am gone.

The pictures below come from a very enjoyable trip to Mirror Lake with the Harmers about two weeks ago.

A change of plans

"How long can rolling waters remain impure? What power shall stay the heavens? As well might man stretch forth his puny arm to stop the Missouri river in its decreed course, or to turn it up stream, as to hinder the Almighty from pouring down knowledge from heaven upon the heads of the Latter-day Saints." - Doctrine and Covenants 121:33

I think the river of my life may have just been turned upstream temporarily. More to come.

Discontinuity

After reading a few friends' blogs, I was inspired to write a little about something other than my travels, just for a change of pace. I'll post more pictures and a travel related narrative this week as well.

This week has been very interesting and eye opening. I must admit that since coming here to Cambridge, not everything has been rosy. The environment is wonderful of course, and the people are fantastic - I simply had a lot to do with correspondence course and my work here, and I was exhausted and burnt out. Add to that the end of a relationship - and the process of coming to the decision to end a relationship - and I became very stressed, somewhat sick, and most unhappy for a few days.

I deal with stress in terms of nerves, usually. When things get really bad, it feels like pain (and illness was a part of this particular experience) - but normally, I just get a little weird; my social grace leaves me stranded as my own confidence plunges.

Fortunately, there are things that combat this: good friends who are patient and still treat me like a socially competent person even when I don't act like one. I'm lucky to have friends in that category. Exercise does as well - it's hard to feel down when you set goals and achieve them. I'm training for a half marathon now, and I've run more this week than I have since I was training for my brother's and my 275 mile bike ride. It feels great.

Also, it feels wonderful to have the Gospel as part of my life. As much as being with friends helps, it has a negative side as well - when I make a fool of myself, sociality doesn't help my attitude. Fortunately, you cannot make a fool of yourself studying the scriptures and praying to God. I take that back, but at least it's a LOT, LOT harder. :-D My patriarchal blessing is a good check on a poor self-image as well - it reminds me of who I am, how God sees me, and what I have the potential to become. It also reminds me, perhaps more directly and powerfully than any single other thing that springs to mind, how much my Heavenly Father loves me. (For my non-Mormon readers, a patriarchal blessing is a kind of personal chapter of scripture, written for each individual. Mine has my name on it, and was pronounced over my head and recorded by someone called a patriarch, who is called to receive and record this kind of scripture. You might think of it as a personal letter from the Lord to a person, telling them about their life, about some of their personal gifts, giving warnings and instruction, etc.)

So, despite managing to make a tool of myself in front of every unmarried woman in our group in the short space between breaking up with my girlfriend and now (Of course: when you are in a relationship, you don't care about other girls' opinions as much and you are able to be yourself. As soon as you are out of a relationship, even if you aren't looking for another one, you proceed to shove your foot down your throat time and time again), things are going great. I really am enjoying myself here, I'm starting to get into and enjoy my studies, my first paper is coming along, and I'm getting great support, encouragement, and feedback concerning the schools I will begin to set up in September.

In fact, I am assembling a group on Thursday to discuss ways people who want to be involved can help. I'm going to make a practice pitch of the model and get feedback on it at that session.

Exciting times. Oh, and after eight days of being a vegetarian, I'm still going strong. To be honest, I haven't really missed eating meat. I am allowing myself good steak or any sushi in the future- so it's not a complete vegetarianism, but I think this may go from an experiment-prompted-by-unsavory-meat-at-dinner-on-the-same-day-as-a-breakup to a lifestyle decision.

Exciting times indeed.