I had occasion to ponder recently the purpose of this blog. The title is accurate; musings, and a search for truth. I haven't posted much of the truth I've found recently, and I wish to remedy that.
I know with all my heart the only way to lasting happiness is through God, through His Son Jesus Christ. Nothing else even comes close. His teachings and His path are the only way to successful relationships, friendships, careers, and families, in the eternal scheme of things. No other way even comes close.
I am grateful for parents - and today, on Father's Day, a father especially - who gave me the chance to know that.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
Picture preface post
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| Sunset over Utah Lake, from the Y-hike my ward conducted recently. |
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| Vader is in the process of bailing on this photo. Careful, Vader - some fans are not as forgiving as I am. |
An update: the magazine and company are coming along swimmingly. The new website is up - thank heavens - at tmpublishing.com. There you can also find a link to an interview I had at CONduit 2012. Unlike other writing conventions I've attended, this one was more fan based. It was incredibly geeky, and a lot of fun.
I had a video interview which will soon be posted on that website as well; I may embed a copy of the file here when the gentlemen at ugeektv put up the video.
I do not have a picture of my new facial hairstyle, though I really like how it is coming along. After another week or two, when I am secure in the idea that I will continue to wear a beard, I will perhaps post a photo.
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| From April: Graduation |
I have also begun to read again, which has been a wonderful blessing. In the past month, I was able to steam through I am Not a Serial Killer, which was excellent Young Adult fiction, and Eventide which was excellent fantasy. Serial Killer provides an accurate view of a sociopath, as a sociologist would define him, in a supernatural crime/thriller story. Eventide, by contrast, was described to me by the author as "a bedtime story for adults." Both succeed very well as light fiction.
The conclusion to Starship Troopers by Heinlein was far less satisfying. Although Heinlein does an excellent job of imagining and describing a moral world based on exchange theory, the story arc of the book itself doesn't really progress. I know Troopers is considered a classic of science fiction. I don't care. The story was flat, and the main character doesn't resolve his character arc. He doesn't appear to learn anything from his experiences, and the greater storyline itself is left unfinished; we don't know if the troopers win at the end, and even the description of the war itself is more like an extended "year in the life of" snapshot than a narrative. The book is well-written in individual elements, but insufficient as a novel.
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| The cover of the anthology in which my story will appear, probably in July or August of this year. |
Unfortunately, my writing has taken a backseat to publishing. Now that I have had another gum surgery and I am no longer allowed to work out (for a few weeks' time) I shall schedule more time for my own written work. That said, my first published short story, "Indigo Ocean," comes out in a few weeks from Alliteration Ink in the anthology, Crimson Pact, vol. 4.
Speaking of writing, my next post will include a discussion of astrophysics (seriously!) and, perhaps, a plug for a new power generation method which I think could change the world. I may also include a description of company progress. I planned my next entrepreneurial venture recently, and it has gotten me far, far into a technical mindset; please join me as I search for applied truth as well.
Life is advancing and I feel I am making progress in many ways. Best of all, I feel my relationship with my God is deepening and strengthening. In that, as in the rest, I am blessed - and happy.
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| Sunset in the Midwest. Dec 2011. |
Monday, May 21, 2012
Next project
As a Drupal step-by-step guide to creating fantastic, responsive, websites quickly, using any of the base themes, does not appear to exist, I believe I will create one myself. But first, I have to get my site out of the water again.
I never thought I would become a programmer, but the Lord has a strange way of taking us where we need to go.
I never thought I would become a programmer, but the Lord has a strange way of taking us where we need to go.
Monday, May 7, 2012
A happier update
My last post, of some time ago, was not particularly happy. To combat that, and before I post something I feel strongly about again, I will post a brief description of the good things that are happening in my life.
LDStorymakers was a huge success. I met and interacted with a number of authors, had a blast, and (I think) helped promote a general good impression about our company. Apparently, we are getting noticed; several authors mentioned to me that they had been in discussions about us beforehand, and many authors told me they had heard positive buzz.
I am now, officially, in my new apartment/office. It's twice (or thrice) as roomy as my last single bedroom, and I no longer have roommates. It is exhilarating to finally have a place of my own.
I recently re-connected with some old friends, which was wonderful; I intend to cultivate those relationships over the coming months. I realized recently how much I value deep friendships; several of my best friends are going on missions very soon, and it has caused me to ponder and re-appraise my approach to friendships and relationships.
Although I missed Saturday, I finished five of the six days of my new workout program. When I get working out, eating correctly, sleeping sufficiently, and working effectively down - hopefully in the next two weeks - look out; I am going to be unstoppable.
In all, there are many things for which I am grateful; many new changes, new beginnings, and new experiences at the moment, but life is moving forward in a positive way.
LDStorymakers was a huge success. I met and interacted with a number of authors, had a blast, and (I think) helped promote a general good impression about our company. Apparently, we are getting noticed; several authors mentioned to me that they had been in discussions about us beforehand, and many authors told me they had heard positive buzz.
I am now, officially, in my new apartment/office. It's twice (or thrice) as roomy as my last single bedroom, and I no longer have roommates. It is exhilarating to finally have a place of my own.
I recently re-connected with some old friends, which was wonderful; I intend to cultivate those relationships over the coming months. I realized recently how much I value deep friendships; several of my best friends are going on missions very soon, and it has caused me to ponder and re-appraise my approach to friendships and relationships.
Although I missed Saturday, I finished five of the six days of my new workout program. When I get working out, eating correctly, sleeping sufficiently, and working effectively down - hopefully in the next two weeks - look out; I am going to be unstoppable.
In all, there are many things for which I am grateful; many new changes, new beginnings, and new experiences at the moment, but life is moving forward in a positive way.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
A Dissenting Opinion
A disclaimer: this post is perhaps surprisingly more candid and negative than I usually reveal. I apologize in advance if my positions offend you, but I will not recant them. I hope that those of you reading this who were involved in the events I have described - some now good friends - will not find my dissenting opinion sufficient reason to take serious offense.
I recently learned from a friend of mine that the BYU Field Studies Program is being shut down. My friend and several others have raised a protest; they value their field studies experiences highly, and are sad that the program is to be no more.
Allow me to voice a dissenting opinion: a BYU Field Study was my single most miserable BYU experience, and one I would not wish on any student, ever. It has been a continuing source of pain and frustration, rubbed raw again recently by briefly re-encountering the contempt I feel from former Field Studies' staff concerning my experiences and myself. How dare I dislike field studies!
If you examine my blog - this blog, in fact - during the summer of 2010, you will find that my experience was not all bad. Indeed, I limited my blog posts to uplifting experiences, of which there were many. In the words of a man I respect very much, "it's always good weather [when you are abroad]"; people at home should probably not hear about your personal struggles (until they are resolved) unless 1.) you need their assistance, and 2.) they can assist you somehow. My experiences did not meet these criteria, so I tried to be exclusively uplifting.
The Field Studies program focuses very much on cross-cultural experiences; I was told the program would help me better understand my fellow human beings. Additionally, I was told that it would help me better appreciate other's viewpoints. We were taught that, rather than trying to fix or help others, we should try to serve them - an other-centric philosophy that adapts to the local conditions, customs, and norms.
Unfortunately, the Field Studies program did not, in my experience, extend the same philosophy to its own participants. I felt, often, that the program - or, rather, my leaders, facilitator, some of the other students, my host mother, and the administrative policies of the program - were trying to "fix" or "help" me when I neither needed nor wanted correction. Indeed, I found the efforts offensive, painful, damaging and counter-productive.
Field Studies was the most culturally relativistic program I experienced at BYU. We were carefully instructed not to judge other people, especially the native people with whom we would be interacting. Unfortunately, cultural relativism is itself an absolutist doctrine: either you believe that anything (culture, people, set of behaviors) is as good as anything else, or you do not. I do not, and so my "non-judgmental" peers judged me as less than correct or good.
I have strong opinions about who I am and where the Lord would have me go in life. These establish a strong sense of right and wrong in my personal conduct. I do not now, and did not then, apply these standards to others, but I claim the right to act according to the dictates of my own conscience and to suffer the consequences, good or bad, of such behavior. My philosophy, and attendant life goals, were consistently and repeatedly denigrated or dismissed by Field Studies staff, both before and after I arrived in South Africa. It was a source of pain, frustration, and conflict for me during my entire experience that I was apparently expected to apply different standards to those around me than I was allowed to expect them to apply to me. Note that I am not talking here about native South Africans (with one exception), but about the members of my field studies group and the staff of the Field Studies program after I returned.
I was told that my Field Studies group and host family would be there to help me manage the difficult times I would have concerning those with whom I worked. My experience was precisely the opposite: I loved the people with whom I worked, and had it not been for the churches, religious leaders, students and teachers I was interviewing and serving, I would not have survived the experience emotionally.
Do not misunderstand: I learned an amazing amount during my time in South Africa, but the things I learned are not lessons I am sure I am glad I have gained. For example, for the first time in my life, I understood what it meant to use my race, consciously, to my advantage. When I was near my breaking point, I understood for the first time that I had power in South African society because I was white, and that I did not need to fear or tolerate some of the events occurring as a result of that fact. For the first time, I understood my racial privilege viscerally. It was one of the low points in my life, and one of which I am still ashamed. I believe in the family of man. I do not believe in racial superiority, and I do not want to ever again consider using my race like a weapon, even in self-defense.
But, for all that, I would support Field Studies and protest for its continuation except, for one fact. The rest I could chalk up to experience and an unlucky draw, but there is one aspect of the program I cannot tolerate, and that element makes me not only un-surprised, but partially grateful that Field Studies is leaving BYU.
Namely, this: the Field Studies personnel and policies were either neutral or derogatory concerning my faith in God. I was never attacked directly on religious grounds; rather, I was "instructed" that my beliefs were insufficient or incomplete because they were not culturally relativistic.
The Gospel is not a relativistic path of life. There is right and wrong, and though I may not always understand what those rights and wrongs are in a given situation, my heart is still either becoming more like God's, or less.
I wish, I long, for a field studies program that is as difficult and painful as mine was, but that asks and suggests and encourages the students to turn to God in their extremity. I wish that the pain - emotional and physical - that I experienced had been necessary and improving, and that I could claim the program itself had helped me to be a better person. I wish that I had found a "community of saints" in my study, that I would have had good experiences generally with the other members of my program, that we could have "strengthened each other in the Lord," that I could give a good report of my experiences overall. But I did not, and it was and has remained a source of pain for me, even two years later. I have found greater camraderie, espirit de corps, respect for my religious beliefs and empathy - from complete strangers - all over the world in my subsequent travels, than I found in my Field Study with fellow BYU students.
There are facilitators - friends of mine, still, I hope, if they have continued reading - who will dismiss my experiences even now. Others did not experience their Field Study as I did, so surely what I have said is not valid. To them I return the standard Field Studies argument: why is your positive experience more valid than my negative one?
Those who dismiss me and mine are welcome to do so. But I do not weep that BYU Field Studies is dying, and I hope its replacement does a better job for its students than I feel Field Studies did for me.
Yours truly,
Brett T.M. Peterson
I recently learned from a friend of mine that the BYU Field Studies Program is being shut down. My friend and several others have raised a protest; they value their field studies experiences highly, and are sad that the program is to be no more.
Allow me to voice a dissenting opinion: a BYU Field Study was my single most miserable BYU experience, and one I would not wish on any student, ever. It has been a continuing source of pain and frustration, rubbed raw again recently by briefly re-encountering the contempt I feel from former Field Studies' staff concerning my experiences and myself. How dare I dislike field studies!
If you examine my blog - this blog, in fact - during the summer of 2010, you will find that my experience was not all bad. Indeed, I limited my blog posts to uplifting experiences, of which there were many. In the words of a man I respect very much, "it's always good weather [when you are abroad]"; people at home should probably not hear about your personal struggles (until they are resolved) unless 1.) you need their assistance, and 2.) they can assist you somehow. My experiences did not meet these criteria, so I tried to be exclusively uplifting.
The Field Studies program focuses very much on cross-cultural experiences; I was told the program would help me better understand my fellow human beings. Additionally, I was told that it would help me better appreciate other's viewpoints. We were taught that, rather than trying to fix or help others, we should try to serve them - an other-centric philosophy that adapts to the local conditions, customs, and norms.
Unfortunately, the Field Studies program did not, in my experience, extend the same philosophy to its own participants. I felt, often, that the program - or, rather, my leaders, facilitator, some of the other students, my host mother, and the administrative policies of the program - were trying to "fix" or "help" me when I neither needed nor wanted correction. Indeed, I found the efforts offensive, painful, damaging and counter-productive.
Field Studies was the most culturally relativistic program I experienced at BYU. We were carefully instructed not to judge other people, especially the native people with whom we would be interacting. Unfortunately, cultural relativism is itself an absolutist doctrine: either you believe that anything (culture, people, set of behaviors) is as good as anything else, or you do not. I do not, and so my "non-judgmental" peers judged me as less than correct or good.
I have strong opinions about who I am and where the Lord would have me go in life. These establish a strong sense of right and wrong in my personal conduct. I do not now, and did not then, apply these standards to others, but I claim the right to act according to the dictates of my own conscience and to suffer the consequences, good or bad, of such behavior. My philosophy, and attendant life goals, were consistently and repeatedly denigrated or dismissed by Field Studies staff, both before and after I arrived in South Africa. It was a source of pain, frustration, and conflict for me during my entire experience that I was apparently expected to apply different standards to those around me than I was allowed to expect them to apply to me. Note that I am not talking here about native South Africans (with one exception), but about the members of my field studies group and the staff of the Field Studies program after I returned.
I was told that my Field Studies group and host family would be there to help me manage the difficult times I would have concerning those with whom I worked. My experience was precisely the opposite: I loved the people with whom I worked, and had it not been for the churches, religious leaders, students and teachers I was interviewing and serving, I would not have survived the experience emotionally.
Do not misunderstand: I learned an amazing amount during my time in South Africa, but the things I learned are not lessons I am sure I am glad I have gained. For example, for the first time in my life, I understood what it meant to use my race, consciously, to my advantage. When I was near my breaking point, I understood for the first time that I had power in South African society because I was white, and that I did not need to fear or tolerate some of the events occurring as a result of that fact. For the first time, I understood my racial privilege viscerally. It was one of the low points in my life, and one of which I am still ashamed. I believe in the family of man. I do not believe in racial superiority, and I do not want to ever again consider using my race like a weapon, even in self-defense.
But, for all that, I would support Field Studies and protest for its continuation except, for one fact. The rest I could chalk up to experience and an unlucky draw, but there is one aspect of the program I cannot tolerate, and that element makes me not only un-surprised, but partially grateful that Field Studies is leaving BYU.
Namely, this: the Field Studies personnel and policies were either neutral or derogatory concerning my faith in God. I was never attacked directly on religious grounds; rather, I was "instructed" that my beliefs were insufficient or incomplete because they were not culturally relativistic.
The Gospel is not a relativistic path of life. There is right and wrong, and though I may not always understand what those rights and wrongs are in a given situation, my heart is still either becoming more like God's, or less.
I wish, I long, for a field studies program that is as difficult and painful as mine was, but that asks and suggests and encourages the students to turn to God in their extremity. I wish that the pain - emotional and physical - that I experienced had been necessary and improving, and that I could claim the program itself had helped me to be a better person. I wish that I had found a "community of saints" in my study, that I would have had good experiences generally with the other members of my program, that we could have "strengthened each other in the Lord," that I could give a good report of my experiences overall. But I did not, and it was and has remained a source of pain for me, even two years later. I have found greater camraderie, espirit de corps, respect for my religious beliefs and empathy - from complete strangers - all over the world in my subsequent travels, than I found in my Field Study with fellow BYU students.
There are facilitators - friends of mine, still, I hope, if they have continued reading - who will dismiss my experiences even now. Others did not experience their Field Study as I did, so surely what I have said is not valid. To them I return the standard Field Studies argument: why is your positive experience more valid than my negative one?
Those who dismiss me and mine are welcome to do so. But I do not weep that BYU Field Studies is dying, and I hope its replacement does a better job for its students than I feel Field Studies did for me.
Yours truly,
Brett T.M. Peterson
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
One job, two job, old job, new job...
"Life has been a whirlwind - of shifting, myriad colors..."
I have officially broken the surface of the writing world and breached, gasping, into my career as a professional writer. That whale imagery is intentional - my first fictional short story to be accepted is all about whales. I'll keep you posted here with more updates as the time of publication gets closer.
I have also - today! - secured an advertising job as a writer: I'll be writing copy for an internet marketing company. I'm also looking at a second, similar position with another firm. These jobs are entirely flexible, which will allow me to pursue them while I also pursue my own company.
That company - TM Publishing, LLC. (www.tmpublishingllc.com) has been consuming most of my time - but it is a thrill ride. We have had a lot of success; submissions are coming in, and I believe we will be profitable in May or June or this year. It's a heady feeling - exciting, and historic times for me.
So - thank you all for your love and support! I wish you the best... and if you don't see me for the next few months, know simply that I am working, and loving it.
I have also - today! - secured an advertising job as a writer: I'll be writing copy for an internet marketing company. I'm also looking at a second, similar position with another firm. These jobs are entirely flexible, which will allow me to pursue them while I also pursue my own company.
That company - TM Publishing, LLC. (www.tmpublishingllc.com) has been consuming most of my time - but it is a thrill ride. We have had a lot of success; submissions are coming in, and I believe we will be profitable in May or June or this year. It's a heady feeling - exciting, and historic times for me.
So - thank you all for your love and support! I wish you the best... and if you don't see me for the next few months, know simply that I am working, and loving it.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Heartening Realization
If "love is a battlefield," as the 80s song suggests, then I have recently suffered a rather crushing defeat. Off balance, I and my subsequent attempts at romance have been... awkward.
I was feeling down about this; it became the preoccupation of my prayers and the subject of my most recent fast. It has prompted a paradigm shift and a serious review of my character, spirituality and focus.
Against this backdrop, I was watching an "I'm a Mormon" video today, the one for Athelia (fashion designer, business woman, former dancer.) It resonated with me - perhaps because I am also an entrepreneur, and a former singer, and because I harbor a hidden dream of one day designing attire myself.
Her comment, though, about worth struck home: "God sees me as a soul with worth, even when I can't accomplish anything." She was referencing an illness which rendered her unable to do many things, but I find it applies to my situation: no matter how compelling a young lady may be, my value is independent of her opinion.
Moreover, I have value and, despite my current lack of success, am an attractive individual. I am an entrepreneur. I speak two languages, understand a third, and am learning a fourth. I am a writer, a photographer, and a visionary. I am intelligent, well read, and very well-travelled.
I am chaste. I respect people. I do not steal kisses, and I don't usually need to. I have been told many times that I am very romantic, and (irony aside,) one former girlfriend described me as (I quote) "the perfect boyfriend." I have loved intensely, and have been loved just as intensely in return.
Nor am I ugly. I have elicited romantic interest from women of every description and profession: models, dancers, singers, actresses, doctors, engineers, and athletes, from every race and from many nationalities. I have been whistled at by women on multiple occasions (though I admit this may only be a half-compliment), and I have been told that I have beautiful eyes.
In sum, I was reminded of who I am, and of the fact that I like very much the man I have become. I am happy the Lord has led me here. Though I have not been perfect, the Lord has yet made my life beautiful.
And, perhaps best of all, He will continue to do so.
I was reminded that "what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him" (President Uchtdorf, "You Matter to Him," October 2011 General Conference).
I will not be ashamed of who I am or of my (righteous) behavior. I will publish. I will be successful in business, in many businesses. I can admit that I wish to design clothing, and that I will have an art kaleidoscope of my design and production in a museum before I die. I enjoy interior design, and have already designed and built rooms with which I and others are most pleased. I enjoy the aesthetic. I will travel, I will teach, I will learn, I will create. I will make a positive impact on society. I will one day have a family and accomplish all that the Lord would have me do.
And if a woman, or many women, or all women, aren't interested in joining me in those endeavors, so be it. It is their loss at least as much as it is mine. Moreover, someday there will be a woman who finds all of those things incredibly attractive -- who finds ME incredibly attractive -- and about whom I will feel the same way.
Until that day, and after it, I will go forth rejoicing in this wonderful life.
I have embedded the video I found particularly inspiring; another video I enjoyed can be found here. Pictures from the Ice Festival follow below the video.
I was feeling down about this; it became the preoccupation of my prayers and the subject of my most recent fast. It has prompted a paradigm shift and a serious review of my character, spirituality and focus.
Against this backdrop, I was watching an "I'm a Mormon" video today, the one for Athelia (fashion designer, business woman, former dancer.) It resonated with me - perhaps because I am also an entrepreneur, and a former singer, and because I harbor a hidden dream of one day designing attire myself.
Her comment, though, about worth struck home: "God sees me as a soul with worth, even when I can't accomplish anything." She was referencing an illness which rendered her unable to do many things, but I find it applies to my situation: no matter how compelling a young lady may be, my value is independent of her opinion.
Moreover, I have value and, despite my current lack of success, am an attractive individual. I am an entrepreneur. I speak two languages, understand a third, and am learning a fourth. I am a writer, a photographer, and a visionary. I am intelligent, well read, and very well-travelled.
I am chaste. I respect people. I do not steal kisses, and I don't usually need to. I have been told many times that I am very romantic, and (irony aside,) one former girlfriend described me as (I quote) "the perfect boyfriend." I have loved intensely, and have been loved just as intensely in return.
Nor am I ugly. I have elicited romantic interest from women of every description and profession: models, dancers, singers, actresses, doctors, engineers, and athletes, from every race and from many nationalities. I have been whistled at by women on multiple occasions (though I admit this may only be a half-compliment), and I have been told that I have beautiful eyes.
In sum, I was reminded of who I am, and of the fact that I like very much the man I have become. I am happy the Lord has led me here. Though I have not been perfect, the Lord has yet made my life beautiful.
And, perhaps best of all, He will continue to do so.
I was reminded that "what you see and experience now is not what forever will be. You will not feel loneliness, sorrow, pain, or discouragement forever. We have the faithful promise of God that He will neither forget nor forsake those who incline their hearts to Him" (President Uchtdorf, "You Matter to Him," October 2011 General Conference).
I will not be ashamed of who I am or of my (righteous) behavior. I will publish. I will be successful in business, in many businesses. I can admit that I wish to design clothing, and that I will have an art kaleidoscope of my design and production in a museum before I die. I enjoy interior design, and have already designed and built rooms with which I and others are most pleased. I enjoy the aesthetic. I will travel, I will teach, I will learn, I will create. I will make a positive impact on society. I will one day have a family and accomplish all that the Lord would have me do.
And if a woman, or many women, or all women, aren't interested in joining me in those endeavors, so be it. It is their loss at least as much as it is mine. Moreover, someday there will be a woman who finds all of those things incredibly attractive -- who finds ME incredibly attractive -- and about whom I will feel the same way.
Until that day, and after it, I will go forth rejoicing in this wonderful life.
I have embedded the video I found particularly inspiring; another video I enjoyed can be found here. Pictures from the Ice Festival follow below the video.
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| Rff-wrff; Frwheeee! |
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| I believe this was my vote for the winner, or the cupid and heart above. |
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